My 3 C's of Resiliency

Whenever I’m invited to give inspirational talks, give opening or closing remarks for leadership forums, I always share my 3C’s and connect it to Resiliency and Leadership. Over the years, I’ve seen myself and people around me go through a lot of problems, uncomfortable situations, tribulations, etc… and yet, we’re still all here and we come out stronger than we were before. I believe Resiliency plays a big role in Leadership as it forms a big part of the emotional quotient/EQ a person has. This also results to the maturity factor that is built over time by experience and learnings. Of course initially you master this on your own, before being able to role model for other people. It has to have consistency if you want to say you are indeed resilient. 

Now on to the 3 C’s…what does the 3 C’s stand for?  These are Commitment, Character and Compassion. Let me detail this further below.

First off, when we talk about Commitment, it doesn’t mean you blindly promise yourself that you’re going to do it or think of it everday. For me, Commitment has 3 components attached to it. 

• Commitment to be Open - This entails being open to new learnings, feedback and to more challenges in life. You have to be committed to yourself that you are not giving up if another issue or problem comes up. You have to be open to the fact that the issue could be bigger than what you’ve overcome before. You have to be aware that life won’t be as easy as 1, 2, 3. There will always be something that will come up to toughen you up.
• Commitment to Taking Care of Yourself - Now, that you recognize that there will be a lot more challenges coming your way as you go along the journey of life, you should not forget the fact that you are only Human. You should learn how to take care of yourself and know the boundaries and limits as to what your human body can take. If you are working everyday for an average of 18 hours, then you’re definitely in for a “sick leave” soon enough. It is ok to say NO if it meant sacrificing your health or life for it. There should be other options available and you choose the one that doesn’t kill you. It should be apparent to you that everyone in the company is dispensable- can be replaced anytime.  Taking care of yourself doesn’t only mean you take vitamins A-Z, but also consider having a balance in your life-think of what motivates you outside work. Go hiking, running, collect vinyl records, travel, cook, read books- anything that makes you feel you have a life outside your desk! 
• Commitment to Being Positive- Now that you recognize that there will always be challenges, and you need to take care of yourself, the 3rd factor of the commitment bit is to always be grateful and look at the positive side. You can always give yourself a day to cry, be sad, but at the end of the day, you have a choice to look at the situation and still be grateful for it. There will always be a reason to be thankful- no matter how difficult the situation may be.

Now, on to my second C- Character. As you learn to commit to being open to new challenges and learnings, at the same time, taking care of yourself and still be grateful for everything, this is where character is built. The foundation of your character comes from the strength you’ve gathered from the learnings, the tears, the experiences of all the problems and challenges you’ve faced. The character you have will then be the source of strength for your future endeavors- and character will remind you as look back on the things that made a stronger version of yourself. 

As we have talked about Commitment and Character, you will notice that all these revolve around yourself- how you emerge as a better person amidst the chaos you’ve gone through. But we are social beings, and as such, we need to look at the people around us. We need to be aware of the impact we create to everyone surrounding us. That’s when you come to the third C- Compassion. 

Compassion to help others, to reach out and help, to be more sensitive to how others feel. Most of the time, when we undergo tough times, we become so self centered that we wallow in misery and think the whole world falls on our shoulders. What we need to realize is that everyone undergoes through different challenges as well. I’ve always believed in the saying - If you can’t help others, at least don’t hurt them. Being sensitive and aware that anyone may be going through a lot even though it’s not obvious, could bring out what we call compassion. 

In my life, it took a lot to live by these 3 C’s consistently. I always remind myself that I always have to be Committed to be open, to take care of myself and to be grateful; so that I can build a strong Character to face further challenges and have the Compassion to help other people- before I can claim Resiliency and role model Leadership. 

Choosing Your Battles

Things aren't easy when it involves change. Change has to result to improvements and you cannot inspire people to change if they do not see how these will benefit them. One way or another, change hurts.

In my career journey, I have seen how change destroys comfort zones and how in so many different ways people react. Some leave the company, some opt to stay and sit it out until they find a better opportunity; and some believe in what has to change in an organization. It is not something new that people will hate the new style of leadership, the radical set of regimented rules, or maybe even if there's nothing to hate, the new system will be hated altogether... just because.

As a leader, this will be a big part of going up the corporate ladder. You will be playing the corporate game of Snakes and Ladders- you will find yourself going through a lot of challenges before you can make it to the top. The humps you find along the way are meant to be ran over... slowly. You do not make a full stop at every hump, or else you lose time and effort trying to solve something minute compared to the prize you're eyeing for.

You will eventually know when to choose your battles- if it's worth to address every issue, complaint or ranting against you, your leadership style, the organization you're in. You will have to learn which will be a piece in the puzzle that will fit the picture in the long term. Judgments will always be there, and you will not be able to please everybody- they are not your clones. They are not expected to react the way you would, they are not designed to think the way you do. And most of all, they do not owe you anything- so you should stop fretting about the mud slinging you are in every time they complain.

My piece of advice, yes, you are allowed to hurt, to feel the pain and be human. But do not give anybody the satisfaction of reacting negatively to whatever has been thrown at you. That's exactly the point why this is happening, because change hurts them and by sending out these negative vibes, they want to see how strong or weak of a leader you are. You're worth every minute of their discussion because that's the only way they can gauge what kind of a leader is in front of them- and your reaction will define what they've been wanting to know.

Somebody asked me will you change for them if they tell all sorts of things about you and how you should be behaving- my answer is No. Where then is authenticity? How can you identify yourself if you keep on fitting the mold that everyone wants you to be in? How else can you be different from the people you are expected to lead? Again, my two cents here is continue to do what you are doing- if you believe enough on the vision you've set from the very start, then you will be able to focus on achieving the goal. You alone should have enough faith that you can pull through, that you are introducing change because you believe that it is needed for improvement.

It is just about right to parallel this scenario to playing a chess game. What piece to give up so that you can eventually win the game? In the scenario I've described above, you will have to cut some losses, to gain bigger wins. Wins that you know will benefit the whole organization in the long run, even when you move on. And I repeat, the losses will hurt, it will be painful but it has to happen. Choosing your battles doesn't mean your choice will always be correct. But learning from every experience will make you a stronger person, a leader you are being developed into. Whatever happens, you don't stop. You keep on believing that you have all the good intentions in your heart- and these will bear fruit. As long as you keep the faith.